Monday 8th October

When I awoke this morning it was 08:00am. Yes it was 8am. Woohoo!!!

Last night I was in my nightie at 8pm.

I felt drained after my feelings and emotions throughout the day on Sunday.

I had my drugs  and I turned off the lights and watched channel 5 for the movie.

The previous movie was just finishing.

The next short movie was on from 21:00 – 21:55pm.

I lay on my bed watching the start of the movie with the channel changer in my hand.

I thought, 55mins that should be ok then sleep. Perfect.

I only got about 5 – 10 mins into the movie and I totally crashed out. I must have been so peaceful as Joyclin was sitting beside me with her bright crown sparkling at me.

I have had Aunty Cathie and Uncle Hugh, and Joyclin and Des and a bright crown on Joyclins head taken in Las Vegas years ago. The picture is always there for me.

I did not get up in the middle of the night for a pee. NO. I never.

That was just after 9pm and woke up at 8am. That was how much sleep?

10hrs and 45mins sleep. No waking up for the loo!!!

I had the most perfect sleep.

I slept like a baby.

THANKS JOYCLIN XXX

When I woke up I still had the channel changer in my right hand and the channel was still on channel 5 on a low sound talking. It was now cartoons. That made me smile.

I got myself ready for the Clowne Farm.

I decided to tell my little story to Mark and Sophie and Jack Boyd. They were enjoying my story again, maybe I should do a book while I’m on my days off? Eh!!

As I was about to start on my story for today and all of a sudden Mark opened the hen and cock’s rooster area. They were flapping all over the pathway. Liam was trying to get them into their house now. I was stopping the cockerel from escaping from us.

I chased it back into the hen house.  What a laugh we all had. I had forgot to bring my camera, what a plonker. That would have been a good picture, at least we all can close our eyes for the memories at the start of the day.

I love telling stories, it’s good for you’re brain. Just imagine all the stories and expanding all the stories you could imagine to have very interesting happenings along the path that we all take.

I started cleaning out the hutches. Poo, poo, definitely a good clean out today.

I looked in Salvatore’s hutch, I kept calling for him but there was no one at home.

Oops! He was in the bigger hutch with Cristian and Richard. Ahhh. Thank goodness.

I felt more at ease that I found him with two big brothers.

I changed the fluffy rabbit’s new name to Francois the little French madame, oui.

The next hutch was Monsieur Jean Philip, I’m on a good name day today.

I was making the hutches all sparkly today. All these little French little rabbits.

The next hutch was Salvatore???? Why is there an Italian rabbit today??

Mon dieu …………..

I then sorted out Jean Paul and little miss Fifi.

The French language was flying all over the bedroom areas for them. Ooh, la, la.

When I got into the bigger hutch it was the rabbits called Cristian and Richard.

As I was cleaning the area Richard kept eating my plastic gloves and pinching me.

Ouch, you naughty rabbit boy, I thought.

They do make me laugh.

3 X PRESSIES

Meg, Pippa and Blue all turned up earlier for a pressie. They were getting quite excited about their gift today. They all chose what toy they would like to have with the sniffle, smelly smell.

Our car pickup was here so it was time to go. I had spoken to Ian for an invoice earlier but he was busy with calls. No worries, I’ll see you next week. I waved bye bye.

SADNESS: HOW DO PEOPLE SEE ME NOW!

My sister came to visit me today! She asked if I could see her and I said yes!

I thought OK, no worries,

Why did my sister not make an appointment with me beforehand, instead she just turned up and expected to see me? I do have a life you know!

I could have had an appointment with my friend?

Why did my sister expect me to be able to answer all her questions straight away!!

Does anyone actually know what a Subarachnoid Brain Haemorrhage is!!

Does anyone really know what job I have to do for my brain to get fitter, brighter and better?

I don’t just click my fingers and suddenly I’m better. PLING!!!!

I think that everyone thinks that “PLING, I’m better!”

I think they were all clicking their fingers too.

Questions and Answers:- What door I lived behind? Who I had “s..” with?

Can I remember this? and that?

All these questions are not relevant to my injury.

Why do people expect me to answer such irrelevant questions?

Even if I never had the injury would I need to remember all these stupid questions?

The “meeting” we had lasted 10 minutes. Apparently I act just like Janiece!

What a compliment I received.    “ Janiece, You’re worth it”

Christine’s supported carer’s written words for the meeting lasted 30minutes.

30mins for a 10min chat with me? Hmmmmmm

I went downstairs and started talking to one of the carers. All of a sudden my sister turned up with the supported carer after their written notes for my profile.

I had been on the list for Des’s birthday doo with all the family for a long time.

I remember putting down my starter, main and dessert for our dinner a long time ago.

It was such a shame that my sister said over my voice to the carer that I was talking to, that my mum, my brother Brian and everyone else was there to celebrate a family doo with Boyd. :(

I was so sad that no one asked me to join the celebration with Boyd.

I would have dropped everything for Boyd.

Des would have realised the most important thing to me.

It’s such a broken heart and sadness to me that no one asked me about the family get together. I am a grandmother. :(

I truly couldn’t understand why my mum or my brother Brian never even asked me to their celebration. I’m definitely in the bad corner now. TUT, TUT.

I have been so sad and broken again but I will fight my way back.

It is a struggle but I will get there. 

Sometimes I do stray off the path, it’s natural, but I will take a new step every day.

I still can’t get over the fact that my sister bragged about the celebration with my mum and my brother Brian and the other family members in front of all the staff here. NOT ME :(

I am SAD, SAD, SAD, all over again.

I will fight all over again.

The first day that I went to see Boyd was the most terrifying day for me.

I relived my injury all over again.

To be left out of the celebration without a single word to me is so sad again. :(

Did anyone think of asking me!

I’m the person with a Subarachnoid Brain Haemorrhage!

I’m sure no one else has it?

Does any one know what this injury is all about?

SAD, SAD, SAD. :(

LIFE Eh!

Andy Gas Man

Andy had a lot of gassy things to do. Do I know all the terminology……NO

We are both the same age, we both were born in 1963.

That was a great start to our knowing of each other.

I made Andy a cappuccino and gave him my card as a gift from me.

It’s nice to share my life.

I told Andy what happened to me and I explained that I lost my voice and my legs.

He was quite agog about the severity of me, earlier in my sickness.

We were sitting at the table and Andy was doing all his sums for the gauges or something like that, something intelligent into work.

I told Andy that I felt like a school teacher, it was like I was looking at him with his numbers, the adding and subtraction.

The talking was getting more personal about our lives these days.

The brick fell from the sky, that’s what happened to him.

Andy was a great fighter with his strength in 1987. I was 24yrs old and so was he.

Hey Andy, I hope you liked your cappuccino made by me.

I’m going to make a cappuccino for myself so give me 5 minutes OK :)

I’m back.

When I got back to my room the telly was on with Paul O’Grady who was continuing his time in the Battersea for cats and dogs.

Did I think that was my life so far with the farm little animal’s. Hmmmmmm Think.

I got to my bed just before 10pm.

How quick I fall asleep these days, I close my eyes and that’s me, fast asleep.

Content but sad!

GOODNIGHT

Sunday 7th October

I opened my eyes………….I didn’t care about the time……….

I knew exactly where I was………………………..I was at Des’s home.

The feeling that I had in my body was amazing!!!

I felt so content, I knew where I was.

Usually I have a heavy leg, like it does not belong to me any more.

Standing up in the morning, when I go to leave the bed, I can feel everything working itself in my body. I usually wonder what bed I am leaving from this time.

I moved quietly passed Des’s room and then Janiece and David’s room.

I was careful not to make any sound to waken them up.

When I got downstairs I used the loo. I didn’t want to use the bathroom upstairs, I thought it may make a noise and waken them up!!!

I was as quiet as a mouse.

I made myself a coffee and brought out my pc to catch up. Once I was ready I had to go to the loo again for some paper for my nose. My nose kept running. (no crying J)

I felt quite snuffled. It felt great that I was getting a COLD.

Normally I would moan and groan about a cold, but now, I love feeling the things that happens in my body. I’m a wee detective now.

PICTURES

I moved over to the lounge with my tissue in my fingers. Sniff, blow, sniff, blow.

I was so focused on the pictures on the table at the window. I sat on the end of the lounge table and I was scrutinising the pictures. I kept looking at them, I still had my coffee in my other hand and I stared at the pictures and then the CD’s.

Jake’s little plaque was in front of his picture. I knew that Jake bought that for his grandma Joyclin, the words were most loving and caring. I started thinking about the ages in the pictures now. I seen a picture of David as a child, that was cute and then I actually knew what twin was Aaron and Adrian. I’m a genius again :)

All of a sudden I heard some words from the kitchen. I turned around and seen Des??

How did he get passed me without me knowing??

I think that my mind was on so many things in my washing machine brain.

My brain flopping here and there and everywhere.

I went over to Des and I told him what happened yesterday.  

All of my emotions and thoughts and feelings were right in front of him.

Des then said to me that he was going to the cemetery to see Joyclin.

I was quite cheeky and asked Des if I could join him and to pay my respect to Joyclin.

Des agreed and I thought, I need to butter up Janiece and David for our transport.

I sat there clicking away on my p.c. and Des started to cook our breakfast.

The smell was so beautiful, even though I wasn’t that hungry I still wanted to eat. Hmmmm.

Janiece and David turned up for the special breakfast.

As we were all eating from our breakfast feast, there was still sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs, toast, ooooh it was luvely. I offered to eat all that was left.

I did, I ate it all. :)

As I was finishing my last piece of toast, the door opened up with our new guests.

It was Lolita, Alishia, Dean, Sarah and Ash.

It was such a nice visit from them.

Everyone was talking about the evening they all had, poor Sarah sat there with her nose all bunged up and red too. I thought poor me too, that was the first time that I felt the cold in my 2^nd life.

Des wanted to visit Joyclin, so we all got together for our visit to the crematorium.

We all jumped into the cars.

As we were on our way to the crematorium we went past a chapel.

The brickwork was big stonework white and blackstone. It was a sandstone brick.

That just jumped into me. I now realise what it was.

This was where Joyclin lay and rested for us.

We drove on to the cemetery, Wilbury Cemetry.

When we got there we parked up. We all made our way to pay respect with our own words to Joyclin. I moved over to the bench and sat down. I took out my notebook and my pen. They looked over to me to make sure I was OK. I carried on writing.

Everyone finished their thoughts and moved over to the cars. Janiece stood beside me and asked me if I was ready to go to the car.

I asked Janiece just to stand behind me while I spoke to Joyclin.

When I finished my words to Joyclin we made our way over to the car.

We drove away so much happier, our smiles were so much bigger. :)

We then travelled over to June and Sam’s house, as Des and I stepped into the house I took Des’s hand and asked him to join me back into the garden.

I spoke and told Des what I had said to Joyclin. I said this was a letter for Joyclin and he had to keep a hold of it until he meets her again. I told Des that I have written the letter again for myself, it was very important to me.

This is what I said to Joyclin in her bed.:-

Dear Joyclin,

I loved your smile,

I loved the brightness of your eyes,

I loved the colours that you wore,

I loved the tightness of your cuddle to me,

I will always love you.

Lots & Lots of LOVE

Pauline Quinn XXX

Des has kept that letter close to him.

Des has the biggest smile on his face.

I do love you so much Des. XXX

Des and I walk back into June and Sam’s home again. Our afternoon was full with the love of the family. We giggled and laughed and I snorted (that was me, snort, snort!)

I felt that I could dance on my head.

Here goes…………………………..YES :)

Luke giggled at me and my sillyness

Aaron and Adrian are so strong and big, they held me upside down as I wanted to make me feel like I’m dancing on my head. Woohoo.

What a great finish for our respectful time with Joyclin.

June gave me a lovely box of herbal White Tea.

Sometimes tea is very refreshing on my plate.

Coffee at night ……..NO.     White Tea………..YES   PERFECT Slurp :)

Aaron and Adrian came home with us for a curry that Des made earlier.

We knew that Luke was being dropped off at the house after his football.

Luke was playing for LETCHWORTH GARDEN CITY EAGLES.

It was a 1-1 score. WELL DONE LUKE XXX

For dinner it was Des, Lolita, Alisha, Adrian, Aaron, Jake, David, Janiece and

Me, Myself & I, nine of us all having a great Jamaican chicken curry.

It was fantabulous, scrumptious, tasty, gorgeous, beautiful. YUMMY :)

Two boys 19yrs old. Hmmmmm Nice bum!!

TRAVELING HOME

We were all getting ready to travel home.

Aaron was in the car with Lolita and Alisha. They were travelling to Stafford.

Aaron has now got a placement in Stafford University.

I think of Aaron as a detective with a magnifying glass, who did this? who did that? what was this? what about that?.

Basically, I think he works out who is good and who is bad.

I think it may have an OLOGY in it somewhere?

Was it Forensic Science? Yes. He has loads of intelligence with that brain of his.

GOOD LUCK AARON XXX

Adrian was leaving with Janiece, David and myself. Adrian has been placed in Loughborough College.

Adrian is going be a fitness guru guy, probably letters at the end of his name.

He will be exercising all day, hey “A FIT BOY” that’s my sense of humour.

He will be so fit, he will be the fittest boy that I know.

David was going to stop at the College on our way home.

I should have thought of a taxi fare. Hmmmmm. Maybe next time?

SLEEPY CHOP’S

We all started going our separate ways.

Aaron / Stafford.

Adrian / Loughborough

Us / Sheffield

Adrian was talking to Tanisha or Taneesha?

I don’t know how to spell it correct but what a lovely name.

Was she out looking for you in a Red Virgin Balloon, you know the “HOT ONE”

Hmmmmmmm

I hope she is OK? He is 19years old!

Adrian has a busy brain tomorrow morning for all the sporty stuff.

It’s 6:20pm and Adrian is fast asleep.

SLEEPY CHOP’S

We couldn’t have been in the car for very long and I looked over at the Sleepy Chops!

David was our driver. Adrian was his co-pilot driver. A.K.A. Sleepy Chop’s.

I loved looking at the clouds, I don’t know what happens with the clouds.

I’m so interested in them.

The clouds were so high, but also, so low at the very same time.

There was a little puffy cloud in one of the fields it looked quite bizarre? Why did it arrive so close to the earth.

I thought the cloud had put on a pair of size 10 shoes on as he was bored hanging about in the air.

It was 19:15ish for our arrival at Loughborough College.

As we were walking through the grounds, I seen into all the different kitchens.

Some college grads were cooking, some were laughing, there was so many talking.

As we walked past the ping-pong or table tennis glassy room the guys were waving with their bats at Adrian. Adrian waved back and so did I. I felt like I was at home.

It felt very good.

We got into his rooms building and got to the room. The second floor living area.

I went for a quick pee and when I came back the girl across the hallway asked him about his washing on Friday. He said yes that he left it on the airier in the loo’s on Friday. She ran back to her room and brought his folded clean washing to her. I was quite impressed with her attention that she gave Adrian. I was actually “gobsmacked”.

I gave Adrian a card for Tanisha or Taneesha. As the girl next door was inquisitive about the card, I gave her one. All of a sudden two more arrived at the door.

A boy and a girl, our group was getting bigger now.

The next two asked for a card each. They all had a card.

One of the girls looked at my writing on my card

Then one of the girls said that her boyfriend has the same complaint as me.

He has it right now.

I think it was due to a physical fitness work out thing.

HEY, I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE, BUT, GOOD LUCK XXX

GOING HOME

It was now 19:45 we were going home!

Why do I change from 20hrs time to regular 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, hours.

I was listening to DJ MARKY MARK on SOUL RADIO SHOW.

What a brilliant weekender finish for me.

THANKS DJ MARKY MARK you put the last bit of bling on my weekend.

I was home and ready to go to my bed for about 21:00ish.

I had my drugs and in my nightie.

I couldn’t wait till I lay down in bed.

I felt so content.

What a joyful, peaceful, lovely weekend.

I LOVE YOU ALL.

I THANK YOU ALL.

I MISS YOU ALL.

I’M BACK.

XXX

Saturday 6th October

Des’s 70^th Birthday Party.

Going to Letchworth for party and staying over. WOOHOO :)

That was in my diary for today.

I went down for my “Pauline’s Gym” the bicycle for me to get my energy back.

When I finished with the bicycle I then went through to have a late breakfast with Just Andy. I was making my coffee and toast. It was about 10:30am, we were pretty late for eating. I love eating just when I’m hungry not just because of the time.

Just Dandy made his breakfast and we had a good wee natter, the two of us.

As the conversation was carrying on, Alfonso came down to join our conversation.

He was intrigued with our chattering. As I carried on with my story, I couldn’t stop staring at him. “OH MY GOD” that’s what I said. No wonder no one could understand why I was quite excited. I told Alfonso  that he kept the two eyes open for the story. Usually the right eye is usually lazy and it is closed. I never even said anything to him, he had more strength for his two eyes to stay open.

I was gobsmacked. Everyone seems to take a big step every day. Woohoo.

We were talking about Thailand.

We were talking about Cho Chang island and the lepers, he said that when he walked through the colony, he told everyone that no one had a virus to pass onto him.

He said “I wont catch anything” with distain. He was rather annoyed that people didn’t want him to be around the lepers. When he told me this story of his past I said, “Well done to you  J:)

Kerry, Debbie and Leon popped around for a wee HELLO to us all.

They still look as good as ever.

LETCHWORTH HELLO :)

I painted my toe nails and my finger nails. What next to do? When they were dry, the toes and fingers, the next job was the shower. La, la, la, la.

I was in such a great mood.

I was singing terribly but I felt as if I was on top of the world.

I looked out the window and seen Paul the Gardener. I went down for our usual chat, as we carried on chatting he noticed my watch band. He then started to fix my pink watch band, I do need to sort out the length of the watch band. He needs to bring along some more needles to fix the watch length.

Paul said that if David couldn’t fix it he would fix it the next time.

Janiece and David turned up for me in the afternoon, it was about 3pm.

I was pretty in red.

My dress was long, right down to my feet. I got all my bits and bobs together and OFF. We all jumped into the car and vroooomed away. I like that vroooomed :)

I sat in the front of the car beside David and I talked one minute then I dreamed for another couple of minutes. One minute, here then there, then here then there.

My brain was jumping back, forward, back, forward.

I was looking forward to seeing all the extended family. One minute I was happy, excited then I was scared, I was frightened of the family seeing me know when they knew what I was going through. I didn’t even realise that I seen them all in Jerry’s back garden. That’s how screwed up my head was before. Janiece told me  the date when I was in Jerry’s garden. I suddenly remembered all the family. Phewwww.

When we drove up to the back of Des’s house I told David, “Over to the right”

Then David pulled up to the kerb and when he parked I pointed to the black window panes, that was the right one out of five houses. I held my right palm into a crunch and pulled it right down to my thigh and said “YES” I was so confident at my yes’s.

We walked into Des’s house and there was lots of kisses and cuddles and smiles. :)

As the chattering was on a roll the back door opened up again. Who appeared? YES.

It was Jerry and Wendy.

My eyes popped open and I said “Hi John”. I shocked myself.

When did I see John before! I shocked myself the casual way that I said Hi John as if it was just a few days ago. A regular casual meeting. We all had our kisses and cuddles again, I really quite like this now. :):):) I love this.

Jerry, Wendy and John all go into the hotel and refresh themselves for our dinner.

They drive away and we get our taxi. I’m prepared. I’m excited. I’m giggly.

When we get into town the taxi pulled over for us to get out. I take it we were there?

I only knew that I ordered my dinner ages ago, starter, main, dessert, and that we were going to be at a family gathering in the town.

When we got out of the taxi, Des and David started to walk ahead. Janiece started walking and I could not move again. Janiece came back to me and asked me if I was OK! I had a strange feeling inside my body. I didn’t know how to describe the feelings that I had. I just said to Janiece “I’ve been here before!” My head and my eyes were darting all over the place. I said to her again “I’ve been here before!”

Janiece said to me that I stayed in Dunstable not Letchworth, she said “Why would I have been here” I pointed my right finger at the bench on our left side. I said to Janiece again “I sat there!”

I started to move along as the men were further ahead of us.

My head was all over the place again! We walked forward and were passing the CARVERY AND HOTEL then I seen the name of the place at the front door.

It was “BROADWAY” I whispered to Janiece I recognise the name?

Des and David moved onwards and we got closer to them then I said “The station?”

I really was so quiet with my speech.

I told Janiece that I recognised everything!! somehow?

Janiece whispered to me “This was Joyces funeral :(”

I was shocked………..I was frightened to say anything.

I told Janiece that I would say nothing. I had to be so strong and say nothing.

I knew that this was Des’s party and I wouldn’t do anything to spoil his special day.

We turned around and moved into the Broadway?

The first people I saw was Dean, Sarah and Ash. It was so lovely to see them.

My heart was banging all over the place. Happiness was in the air here.

I was then introduced to Basia, she was the manageress here at the Broadway.

Then I met Terry and Marie, Lolita, Pauline and Clive, Alisha, Barb and Tony Wallace. All the family were popping from everywhere to say HELLO.

They were all arriving pretty much at the same time.

One, two, three, four, how many more!!! More, more, more, how many more again.

All of a sudden Adrian Akindele walked straight past me.

I said “Hi Adrian” I had the biggest smile for him. Adrian walked on up to the bar and I moved up to where he was. I told him that I got the right name Adrian.

I do know that there were so many faces and talking.

I was chuffed with myself that I got the right name to the right twin.

Janiece said to me that she has known the twins all their lives.

Now, due to a birthmark when they were kids that’s the only way that Janiece knew who was who. Janiece was flustered again that I always get the names right between the twins.

HEY, I’M A GENIUS :)

I know who is who with their cheeky wee smiles. I love their smiles. :)

Then Aaron, Jake, June and Sam entered the room.

OMG JAKE AKINDELE is taller than me by a couple of centimetres. When he cuddled me I looked at our height to each other and I could have kicked myself.

I’m 49yrs old and Luke is 11yrs old?? How can that happen to me. If you are 18 or 19 years old that I can accept but 11 yrs old Ahhhhhhhh

Everyone was doing their blethering from one to another.

We were mixing around in the party room. I totally enjoyed listening this time.

It was great to hear all the updates and gossip that cousins, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces and Des had to offer. My brain was like a computer, looking for information.

Poor Barb, was it a “White cancer!”

ILLNESS

Please Janiece

JAKE AKINDELE

Well my companion for dinner tonight was my big boy Jake Akindele. I do actually mean BIG BOY. I’m still gutted at the height against me. I think I should not allow anyone to get bigger than me :-[ That’s my funny sad face, I’m really laughing :)

Humour has been one of the greatest gifts to me just now.

I was looking at  Luke’s i-pod.

I asked Sam and June so many questions about the i-pod, sometimes I do feel like a computer for information, I need data, I will gobble it all up straight away.

I took pics of our starters :-

Then we waited till the chef got our carvery area ready for all us hungry horses!!

Hmmmm desserts:)

All the way through my dinner I kept looking at the two girls and one boy.

They were sitting next to Des throughout the dinner. I was terrified to say anything.

I promised Janiece that I would be quiet, and wouldn’t say anything in front of Des.

This was his special day. 

I hoped that I would be quiet!! I prayed.

We all got our teas and coffees and got ourselves ready for the chatty marathon now.

Some people went through to the bar area.

Some people just needed to move their legs.

Some people just needed to move the three courses. Phewwww. What a belly.

I moved from sitting next to Jake to the other table and sat beside Dean.

The conversation kept me busy trying to organise everything in my mind.

That truly was a challenge for me.

Des appeared and asked me if the two girls could join me at the table.

I said “YES”

I arranged the chairs for them so we all had a seat.

People were laughing, giggling, hiccups?

I sat there with my chin into the palms of both of my hands. I looked puzzled.

I eventually spoke to the girls. I spoke with a biggest smile :) and said:-

“Hi girls, I kept looking at you two throughout the dinner. I actually thought I knew you two but I don’t know your names or how I know you two?”

I told them that I recognised their hair by the design but I didn’t know their names or where I met them. I was quite confused that I did not know :-<

They said it was Millicent and Christine (sisters)

I still sat there quite confused, puzzled on my face.

Millicent then said to me that

We met three years ago at Joyclin’s funeral. Here!

I was totally lost in my own thoughts, feelings, emotions, I felt absolutely f…ed.

There dad had a stroke plus a prostrate cancer.

The girls left me details of their father, they shared their sadness with me.

Millicent and Christine would like me to share this with you all too.

I felt exactly where they have been.

I have been there four times, so close to nothing.

God Bless.

GOD BLESS YOU BOTH, LOVE PAULINE QUINN XXX

When this happened at the table I put my hand on Dean’s arm.

I felt all the sadness that was there for me when they visited me just before the Christmas period time.

I do know that people come along to see me with the biggest smile but on the inside of your body you fall apart, you break.

Dean did say to me that it was so sad seeing me like that. Would he ever see me alive?

I do realise what went through his own mind.

Dean, Sarah and Ash went through so much for me.

I said to Dean that the one thing that made me so sad was the fact that I could not even say “HELLO” to them. That did make me so sad. :(

We got rid of all our memories. This is my 2^ndlife now, a new start, I love it :)

Janiece was with the girls in the bar area, they were all laughing and smiling and talking at the dozen. I looked over at all the girls giggling away with no worries.

That made me giggle too. Just watching people having the merriment.

That was the best evening I have had in my 2^ndlife.

I TRULY THANK YOU ALL, GOD BLESS YOU ALL XXX J :)

I heard my name being called from someone in the ladies in the bar.

I turned around to them and I shouted “WHAT”

I had to raise my voice louder to be heard over the chatting and laughing and giggling.

When I looked over what did I see!!!!!

Janiece lifted her dress and showed me her knickers and shook her bum :)

I laughed so much I done the same thing to her. :)

Two knicker show’ers for the whole crowd.

The crowd laughed so much, just like ourselves.

They should have had big bean bags to let us fall over ourselves on the floor. :)

Most of the family were nipping off to bed now. Des had the biggest grin on his face.

Des was sooo happy, I’m so happy for him.

My heart is so happy.

I have had the most special day with Des today. I feel complete with Des.

“Des I do love you “ XXX

Everyone is leaving to go home, the four of us have the biggest smile between us.

That was the great day.

When we got into the taxi I felt that we all lost our voices. We enjoyed our memories.

We loved it.

What a superb day

When we got into the house, I went straight to my bed.

How long did it take me to change into my P,J,.’s  THREE MINUTES!.

I had already said goodnight to DES, JANIECE and DAVID.

I jumped into my bed.

How long did it take me to fall asleep ?

I can’t even remember my head going onto the pillow.

How many minutes?..................”0”

I can’t remember anything.

GOODNIGHT

XXXX